#3: The One with the Heart Palpitations

A conversation with anxiety and understanding the vital importance of our own needs.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Dear friend,

How are you? How are you, really? And how is your beautiful heart?💛

The last time I remember this happening, I was 15 years old.

In the process of cleaning out my bedroom closet and catching a whiff of my recently deceased Dad’s aftershave, my mind and body suddenly went into overdrive. My heart began rattling inside my chest as if it were caged, screaming to be freed; lightning-sharp pains began to shoot through my arms and I found myself clutching desperately for air that I couldn’t seem to find.

That panic attack resulted in an ambulance being called to my home, being taken into the hospital to be strapped up to a heart monitor to prove that I wasn’t dying, and then being sent home a couple of hours later with the prescription that I just “needed to rest”. 

Earlier this week, I was reminded of that incident when one evening I mentioned to my husband that I was getting heart palpitations.

‘Heart palpitations’ is how it always began all those many years ago. Like a distant, muffled fluttering in my chest area. Quiet enough for me to carry on as if nothing had happened, but also loud enough to take my breath away for a couple of moments.

It was happening on and off for a few days at the beginning of this week. I ignored it for a while but when it didn’t subside on its own, I realised there must be something more going on.

And when I finally acknowledged that, the message came loud and clear that what I was experiencing wasn’t heart palpitations at all - it was actually the beginning knots of anxiety; a visitor that I hadn’t seen in my own life or body in absolute years. There’s no wonder I didn’t recognise him.

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“So this is what everyone is talking about,” I thought to myself as I lay on the Shakti mat that same evening, taking deep grounding breaths and contemplating the huge rise in anxiety and depression among today’s generation. 

As I settled deeper and became present with my body, through all the work I have done with clients in my therapeutic coaching sessions, I now realised it was time for me to do the same work with myself.

“Why are you here?” I asked, focussing on the grey, tightly wound knot lodged somewhere within my ribcage, right between my throat and my heart.

“What have you come to teach me? And please tell me, how can I help you on your way?”

In the silence that followed, the answer to all three questions rang out pure and simply within me, in a few precise words:

You have not been taking care of yourself.

And it was true. Everything I needed to know was said in that one sentence. 

I hadn’t been sleeping well at all (thanks to my 2-year-old). I was eating all the wrong foods at the wrong times. I had been neglecting meditation and had been unable to be consistent with daily prayer. My mind had been in overdrive about a number of things, and my body was on constant go-go-go with a household, business and young children to look after.

I had not been taking care of myself in the ways that I know I needed to.

It was completely, revealingly and heartbreakingly true.

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Connecting with my body and its anxious visitor was a huge reminder to me of how important our needs are as human beings.

I would even go beyond that and say that as human beings gifted life, we have a Divine responsibility to take care of our needs. It’s the very least we owe to ourselves and the simplest way to show our gratitude to God. 

Last year, as part of my studies to become a certified transpersonal coach, my peers and I each created our own individual ‘integral practice’. This is a daily practice that encompasses all the needs of the human being in order to be well, stay well and thrive, and consists of 5 key elements, or modalities:

1. Physical development

This of course means taking care of the body.

What are you eating, drinking? How often? How much are you moving? How much quality sleep do you get? How can you take care of your body more for optimum health?

2. Mental development

This modality is to do with learning and developing the brain’s capacity and function.

With this element, focus on how you can learn and grow more, mentally. Reading, studying, writing, online courses, listening to podcasts, learning a new skill… whatever it is that helps to strengthen your mind and teaches you something new.

3. Emotional development

Working on your emotional development means learning to understand yourself, deeply and emotionally, and becoming more emotionally aware and attuned.

This modality can include engaging in therapy or coaching to heal through any triggers or pain, journalling, mirror work, shadow work, and more.

4. Spiritual development 

This is a way for you to connect with your spirit and to connect to God, or something bigger and greater outside of yourself, whatever you believe it to be.

For many, an integral practice in this area is usually some form of meditation, and/or prayer or worship. Anything that really helps you to connect to the present moment and reminds you that you are a spiritual being having a human experience.

5. Interpersonal development

This final modality is all about relationships, and how we live, work and interact in the world. This helps us to develop a sense of belonging and purpose and can help to increase inner peace and self-worth.

Work in this area includes improving our current relationships and getting out in the world to meet and serve others.

There’s a reason they call it an ‘integral practice’ - and that’s because it is literally INTEGRAL to our wellbeing.

Carl Jung said:

“Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries.”

By implementing an integral practice that encompasses all 5 elements, we are giving ourselves the best possible chance of wholeness, wellness and holistic health.

By rejecting even one of them, we are ensuring that some of our essential needs are not being met and therefore we are not giving ourselves the best chance for the healthy, happy life that we deserve.

So today, please give yourself some moments to reflect on each of the modalities I’ve outlined above. 

Look at your own life and examine honestly and openly where your own needs are not being met. Decide how you can take care of yourself better in each of these areas, and then commit to taking one small action every day in each.

I know it can seem a little overwhelming to implement a daily practice that covers everything outlined above, especially in the time-poor society we live in today, but as little as 5 minutes of focus in each area can truly do wonders. As they say, it’s the small daily habits that we repeat consistently that will lead to great results.

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To finish, I believe our ailments are always blessings in disguise - and the anxiety I experienced earlier this week was exactly that.

A blessing that reminded me of the blessing that I am and that my life is - and that I have a responsibility to truly look after myself so I can be the whole and complete human being that I am, so I can be at my best to serve others too.

I hope this letter can serve as a reminder of that for you, as well.

Don’t forget, you can reply to this letter if any of this resonates, comment below on Substack or send me a message on Instagram.

See you next week, friend! Have a beautiful week ahead.

Sending Love, Light & Peace,

Sabah ✨💛

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🖋What I’ve been writing: Not Fulfilling Your Soul’s Calling Could Kill You

📚What I’m reading: The Myth of Normal by Dr Gabor Maté (yes, still! It’s a big book!) & Essential Sufism by Robert Frager

🎧What I’m listening to: Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins on Audible

📺 What I watched this week: Where the Crawdads Sing (Recommend, but the book is miles better!)

🎶Song of the Week: Changes by Tupac

💭Quote I’m contemplating: “The thing we tell of can never be found by seeking, yet only seekers find it.” ~ Bayazid Bistami.

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