For the Soul Who Feels Lost This Ramadan
Things I needed to hear once upon a time...
Dear friend,
How are you? And how is your beautiful heart?
For me, and for many others, this is the most beautiful time of the year. We’re now halfway through Ramadan—a sacred month of renewal, a gift from the Divine to reset the heart, mind, body, and soul. It’s a time to draw closer to Him and, in doing so, to draw closer to ourselves.
But I didn’t always see it this way. Those who know me through my work may already be familiar with the winding, transformative journey I’ve been on—through spirituality, religion, and rediscovering faith on my own terms.
Today, I’m reaching into the archives to share a piece I wrote on Medium in 2021. Whoever you are, whatever path you are on and wherever you are on it, I hope you find a reflection of yourself within these words and are able to take something meaningful from them.
It was the summer of 2010, and Ramadan had just arrived. After the shenanigans of my brother’s big, fat Pakistani wedding and everything that comes with that just a couple of weeks before the holy month, we now had a new sister-in-law in the house and our first pre-dawn meal together was really special.
We prepared our food, ate together and laughed together— and then, suddenly, talk turned to praying together. I felt a sinking feeling hit me in the depths of my chest while my gut began to churn, and to save face before the new member of the family, I quickly excused myself and said I wanted to pray alone in my bedroom up on the third floor of the house.
I went to the bathroom, robotically went through the motions of performing my ablution for prayer, and then ran up the stairs, closing my bedroom door tightly behind me, and collapsed — exhausted from the pretence — on my bed.
The truth is, I knew I wasn’t going to be fasting that day, and I knew I wasn’t going to be praying. I sat with my back against my headboard and suddenly the cloud of depression that had been hanging around me for well over a year pounced now that I was alone, sinking its fangs into my head and sucking me dry until the numbness that I was so used to, returned.
This was the first Ramadan since I had been around 8 years old that I hadn’t fasted, although family and even friends around me believed me when I pretended that I was. It was the first Ramadan that I had felt nothing — no connection to God, no connection to my religion, and no connection at all to the holy month that had somehow always had some kind of positive effect on me, no matter what was going on in my life.
This year was different though — I felt a million miles away from the person that I had always thought I was; I was so lost and confused and broken, and I had almost completely lost God, not understanding why he wouldn’t answer me when I begged Him, night after night, to just end it all.
I felt alienated from all the people around me who were ecstatic that the holy month was here, and their happiness, joy and contentment exacerbated my own feelings of confusion, shame and guilt. And to add to it all, rather than doing the things that were prescribed during the holy month to bring me closer to God, I was doing the opposite and engaging in activities that were distancing me even further from God, and even more so, from myself.
It was a really strange yet extremely important time of my life and what I understand now is that that Ramadan had to be like that for me.
I had to experience a Ramadan where I felt no connection; where I didn’t see the point in fasting or praying or devoting my time to self-betterment to bring me closer to God.
I had to experience it all like that, for me to come to a place where I finally did come to know my relationship with Ramadan; where I understood why I was fasting, and where I was truly participating in the month because I wanted to — and not because of social, familial and even so-called religious pressures.
During that particular Ramadan, there were countless moments when I felt overwhelmed with guilt. Deep within my heart, there was a quiet call, a whisper that told me I needed this month—even if that call seemed barely audible, like whispers lost in the wind. Now, looking back, I see that those feelings were a sign that I still had a connection to the religion I had grown up with. But with time, I also realised that there was no reason for guilt. Each person’s relationship with their faith is deeply personal, and mine was unfolding in its own way.
It was the following year that I went through what I believe was my first spiritual awakening, and a big part of that awakening was coming back to the religion that I had grown up with, but discovering it for myself this time. Finally, I was viewing it through the lens of Love, rather than the distorted lens of fear that I had been shown it through for my entire life.
Ramadan of 2011 was truly special and beautiful for me. For the first time, I properly felt God’s love cradling me as I embarked on my journey Home. As I continue along my spiritual journey of consciousness, love, healing, non-violence and service, I’ve come to realise that my relationship with Ramadan evolves each and every year. And you know what? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, no matter what anyone else may say or think.
This Ramadan, I know there are many Muslims around the world who may be experiencing what I felt back in 2010. And perhaps many spiritual seekers from other paths and walks of life, who feel a little lost on their way.
Many may find themselves questioning their faith, their connection to God, their beliefs, and even their own sense of self. But so many of them won’t speak out—afraid of judgment or condemnation from others, or even too scared to admit it to themselves due to the fear of God they were raised with.
So, to the soul who feels lost this Ramadan, here are a few reminders to guide you along your way…
1. It is 100% okay to feel how you’re feeling
Shake off the guilt and understand that your journey with your faith is yours alone.
It can be difficult when others around you are truly excited for the holy month, and it can be even more difficult when you feel judged for not feeling the same way — even harder when the one doing the judging is yourself.
Accept how you’re feeling and drop the guilt. You need to go through this.
2. If you don’t want to/feel you can’t fast or pray or do anything else that is recommended during this month, then don’t feel like you have to just to appease others
…only do it if you want to do it.
What I recommend is taking some time to explore and research Ramadan, along with everything Muslims observe during this month. Try to understand it for yourself, without the influence of outside opinions or pressures.
And if, after all that, you still don’t fully understand it or feel ready, that’s perfectly okay! Be patient with yourself.
For anyone interested, I would highly recommend the book ‘Secrets of Divine Love’ by A. Helwa which delves into the inner dimensions of religion and takes you on a journey into the heart of your faith. It is a truly stunning book which reminds us of the Love of God and the true beauty of Islam.
3. Religions prescribe different practices for us to become better
A good few years ago, my Spiritual Master shared something that has stayed with me ever since: just as doctors prescribe medicine to heal and improve our health, fasting has been prescribed for Muslims to help us grow— in mind, body, and spirit.
I try not to see it as an obligation—just as we don’t have to take medicine for an ailment. But by choosing to do it, I deepen my journey of self and spiritual growth, gaining a clearer understanding of myself and the divine force that created and connects us all.
The person I am today is committed to continuous growth, striving to be better than I was yesterday. That’s why certain practices have become essential to me. For me, Ramadan is now the most beautiful and significant time of the year for self-discovery, spiritual growth and healing.
4. Confide in someone or something that you trust
Just letting out how you feel is so important and can do a whole world of good.
If you feel like you can’t speak to anyone about how you’re feeling, then write it down! The whole process of journaling how you feel can help to bring you clarity on a situation — and if it doesn’t bring you an immediate solution, at least your load will be lighter and you will feel better.
For anyone who wants to talk in confidentiality, my DMs are open.
5. Remember that if you take one step towards God, He will take ten steps towards you
The first step is always the hardest—especially when you feel lost, confused, and broken. And for many of us, this is where we struggle when it comes to practicing our faith.
But remember, God does not want hardship for you; He wants ease. If you take even one small step toward Him, you’ll find the path begins to open—because He will take even greater steps toward you.
This moment can be your turning point, the beginning of your journey from feeling lost to being found. All it takes is a little courage to take that first step.
“Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.” — [Hadith Qudsi].
6. Know that God loves you unconditionally
You don’t need to achieve, possess, or become anything other than yourself to be loved by God.
You are loved exactly as you are—so trust in your journey and keep moving forward.
You are always exactly where you’re meant to be. Let go, release the guilt, embrace the lessons, and allow yourself to grow with every step.
Finding Your Own Path to Faith
It’s not just okay—it’s essential—to explore Ramadan, faith, and spirituality in a way that resonates with you.
Too often, we follow religion without question, accepting teachings, rituals, and practices without truly understanding them. But how can we grow if we never pause to reflect?
How can we come to know ourselves?
How can we truly come to know the Divine?
If you feel lost this Ramadan, know that you are not alone. Many have stood where you are—including myself. Trust your journey, listen to your heart, and know that these feelings will not last forever.
Wishing you Light, Love, and Peace—not just in this sacred time, but always. May this season bring you exactly what your soul is seeking.
If you enjoyed reading this piece and/or learned something new, please leave a like and a comment, or share with a friend. You can support my work with a monthly tip of £5.55 by upgrading to a paid subscription, or you can Buy Me a Coffee here. Not only will this help me continue my healing work, but you will give me the faith and encouragement that this work is meaningful and needed. I appreciate you so much!
I am a writer, artist and Certified Transpersonal Healing Coach/Guide, journeying with spiritual seekers through spiritual awakening and on the long, wide, beautiful road into themselves. My sessions provide a safe, open and non-judgemental space for you, with the goal of working through an issue that is troubling you in any area of your life.
Through an amalgamation of therapy and coaching, together we build the bridge between our inner worlds and the outer world, using meditative practices and therapeutic processes to access the inner wisdom of the soul.
As a transpersonal coach who has worked with clients from all backgrounds globally, I describe it as a way of coming to know, accept and love the complete human being; a way of accessing the wisdom of the soul in living the human experience to our greatest potential.
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