Another great piece, Sabah! I have so much to say re this topic because I've been there myself and now that I'm out, it makes me SO angry that this was drilled in our heads, especially as women. In the early 2000s it was being a skinny b**ch now it's all about being "fit & healthy" which is the same dietary bullshit covered as "healthy". Most of the current health advice does not fit women's physiology or their hormones, most studies the advice is based on were done on men 🤷♀️
I really do think having us hyper-focus on our weight/body is a way to distract us from our power. I LOVE my body but my body isn't me, it's an extension of me and reflects my inner state. I take care of my body not to look good (important to note though that I do like looking good it's not a bad thing to want it) but I take care of my body because it's the only way I can experience life to the fullest. Have you ever stubbed a toe and all of a sudden noticed that your experience got affected in a negative way? It's just a toe if you think about it, but it's an integral part of a good life! I feel the same way about my body - if I take care of it, don't put trash into it, sleep and stay active it will keep my quality of life high, therefore experiencing life fully. That's all I want from my body really.
Funnily enough, as you know I just got back to London yesterday so the timing of your email is perfect because the friend I'm staying with said "Did you gain weight? you look like you gained weight" What's the point of such a comment? 😂🤷♀️ I said "I don't know" which is true because I don't weigh myself, I determine my health based on how I feel. I also look AND feel better than ever so... 😁 The point is that women are also trained to relate through weight: I have friends who say shit like: "Oh I'm being so naughty eating this treat I'm gonna have to work this off later" etc etc. Food and weight loss is a constant thread in female interactions and it just drives me mad. I do not relate to it any more. I have so much to stay but I'm going to end the rant here because it already came out too long 😁
Thanks so much for sharing this, Rima! And as always, I absolutely agree.
I’ve been on such a journey my whole life with my body image and weight, and I know I still have so much inner work to do in this area. It’s just funny how you will think you’ve evolved and grown and moved forward, but then something will come along to remind you of the work you still need to do to truly become free.
The conditioning runs so so deep, and as women we really do need to reclaim our power. I once read a book (I think it’s one of the conversations with god books) that spoke about how once there used to exist a matriarchy. Women were the leaders of society in all respects because of how much innate power we have. I can’t remember what happened next (😂) but we went from one extreme to the other, and now we have the patriarchy which controls everyone on so many different levels. I really really really recommend ‘A Radical Awakening’ by Dr Shefali. Such a powerful book that addresses all of this and more, that I think every man and woman could benefit from reading!
I didn’t know about this Rumi quote, but I love it! Your letter was full of timely truth and wisdom for the world today. As a college counsellor, it breaks my heart when I see students judging themselves based on how they think colleges will judge them - through their grades, test scores, and achievements. It can be hard to convince people to align with who they truly are and allow time to just be, when modern society’s systems encourage such opposing values.
Absolutely. Society today is all about the external. And how can you know that there is another way if that’s all you’ve ever known?
What I find interesting about grades in school and university, especially among people of colour, is that there is so much added extra pressure to achieve placed on us from those within our own communities. My Sheikh spoke about different ‘legacies’ that have shaped us, and one of these is our historical legacy. I can’t help but feel that our heavy history has contributed to our need to over-perform in some way. That somehow we have to ‘earn’ our place. I hope this is making sense, I’m writing past midnight 😅
It’s making a lot of sense, actually. I was just having a conversation yesterday about how every parent in South Asia is a helicopter parent, and if you’re not, you’re in the minority. The historical aspect you mention might have a lot to do with why this dynamic exists.
Another great piece, Sabah! I have so much to say re this topic because I've been there myself and now that I'm out, it makes me SO angry that this was drilled in our heads, especially as women. In the early 2000s it was being a skinny b**ch now it's all about being "fit & healthy" which is the same dietary bullshit covered as "healthy". Most of the current health advice does not fit women's physiology or their hormones, most studies the advice is based on were done on men 🤷♀️
I really do think having us hyper-focus on our weight/body is a way to distract us from our power. I LOVE my body but my body isn't me, it's an extension of me and reflects my inner state. I take care of my body not to look good (important to note though that I do like looking good it's not a bad thing to want it) but I take care of my body because it's the only way I can experience life to the fullest. Have you ever stubbed a toe and all of a sudden noticed that your experience got affected in a negative way? It's just a toe if you think about it, but it's an integral part of a good life! I feel the same way about my body - if I take care of it, don't put trash into it, sleep and stay active it will keep my quality of life high, therefore experiencing life fully. That's all I want from my body really.
Funnily enough, as you know I just got back to London yesterday so the timing of your email is perfect because the friend I'm staying with said "Did you gain weight? you look like you gained weight" What's the point of such a comment? 😂🤷♀️ I said "I don't know" which is true because I don't weigh myself, I determine my health based on how I feel. I also look AND feel better than ever so... 😁 The point is that women are also trained to relate through weight: I have friends who say shit like: "Oh I'm being so naughty eating this treat I'm gonna have to work this off later" etc etc. Food and weight loss is a constant thread in female interactions and it just drives me mad. I do not relate to it any more. I have so much to stay but I'm going to end the rant here because it already came out too long 😁
Thanks so much for sharing this, Rima! And as always, I absolutely agree.
I’ve been on such a journey my whole life with my body image and weight, and I know I still have so much inner work to do in this area. It’s just funny how you will think you’ve evolved and grown and moved forward, but then something will come along to remind you of the work you still need to do to truly become free.
The conditioning runs so so deep, and as women we really do need to reclaim our power. I once read a book (I think it’s one of the conversations with god books) that spoke about how once there used to exist a matriarchy. Women were the leaders of society in all respects because of how much innate power we have. I can’t remember what happened next (😂) but we went from one extreme to the other, and now we have the patriarchy which controls everyone on so many different levels. I really really really recommend ‘A Radical Awakening’ by Dr Shefali. Such a powerful book that addresses all of this and more, that I think every man and woman could benefit from reading!
Your letter has given me so much insight and Allah made me read it to give me answer what I was looking for. Thank you for sharing. May God bless you
Oh Deeba, Alhamdulillah. I’m grateful that you were brought here and managed to find some answers among the words. Sending you love 💛
I didn’t know about this Rumi quote, but I love it! Your letter was full of timely truth and wisdom for the world today. As a college counsellor, it breaks my heart when I see students judging themselves based on how they think colleges will judge them - through their grades, test scores, and achievements. It can be hard to convince people to align with who they truly are and allow time to just be, when modern society’s systems encourage such opposing values.
Absolutely. Society today is all about the external. And how can you know that there is another way if that’s all you’ve ever known?
What I find interesting about grades in school and university, especially among people of colour, is that there is so much added extra pressure to achieve placed on us from those within our own communities. My Sheikh spoke about different ‘legacies’ that have shaped us, and one of these is our historical legacy. I can’t help but feel that our heavy history has contributed to our need to over-perform in some way. That somehow we have to ‘earn’ our place. I hope this is making sense, I’m writing past midnight 😅
It’s making a lot of sense, actually. I was just having a conversation yesterday about how every parent in South Asia is a helicopter parent, and if you’re not, you’re in the minority. The historical aspect you mention might have a lot to do with why this dynamic exists.